In the comments on the last Duchess Kate post, a welcome post was suggested for Jason Knauf – Prince William and Kate’s new PR guy. In the wake of Prince Andrew’s latest disturbing PR/legal nightmare, I thought a little advice from us to Jason would be a great idea.
So here’s to you, Jason. Welcome aboard the Cambridge Crazy Train and good luck wrangling the laziest and tantrum-iest British royals. I hope you managed a decent salary and excellent benefits – “prestige” of working for the BRF only gets you so much. In honor of you’re new appointment, I’ve put together a list of things you might want to keep handy for your time with the Cambs.
1) A dictionary: So you can look up the word “no”.
2) Hem weights: You can sew them in while Kate’s not looking.
3) Women’s underwear: For when Kate forgets hers.
4) Photoshop: So you can pixelate Kate’s behind when 2 and 3 don’t work.
5) A lighter: So you can burn the Wedges of Doom.
6) Statesman classes: So William doesn’t embarrass himself and/or make foreign dignitaries uncomfortable.
7) Something shiny: To keep Carole occupied.
8) Something sharp: So you can cut Will and Kate’s tires so they can’t run away to Anmer.
9) A cattle prod: To get Will and Kate to actually do things.
10) A waffle iron: For all the waffling you’ll be doing.
11) A chair: For when you fall over dizzy due to all the spinning.
12) Aspirin: For those massive headaches.
13) Booze: For when the aspirin is just not enough.
14) A psychiatrist: For William.
15) A psychiatrist: For you.
Another piece of advice: Bring out the Grumpy Face! Prince George is the one and only PR goldmine you/the Cambs have – use it!
Here’s some more advice, courtesy of Red Snapper (with my own added comments thrown in):
1) Manipulate William into thinking working more is his idea. Any work is acceptable, as long as it is legitimately full time and not just a few shifts here and there. It can be done, if done correctly. He’s stupid enough to be manipulated, but he’s a non-Newtonian substance. If you push him, he won’t budge, he’s said as much in interviews, but if you ease him and make him think it’s his idea, he’ll give in, I’m sure. Remember to stroke his ego; the man has a massive ego.
2) Have Kate pick one cause and dedicate herself to it. Anything at all, as long as she shows some actual passion for something. Also, please hire Kate a public speaking coach to get her over her fear of public speaking, and don’t laugh at reporters who suggest hiring her one, it’s just rude.
3) Don’t lie to us, Jason! And don’t waffle. Take a stance and stick to it. It’s the lies, the waffling, and the BS that cause blogs like this one to form. Do you really want more blogs calling you/the Cambs out, Jason?
Good luck, Jason. And after the first big tantrum when you’re pulling your hair out and wondering why you took this job that no one else wanted, be thankful Will and Kate are at least not Prince Andrew bad.
Anyone else have some handy advice for Jason?