113 thoughts on “Harry opens up about seeking mental health counseling to deal with grief over Diana’s death”

1. Thank you, Harry, for your honesty, kindness, and everything else.

   A shame W&K won’t follow his lead and speak openly about anything, but I’m glad Harry has done so. I hope him being open and brutally raw and honest in such a wonderful interview, for a good reason, can encourage others–which is why he’s doing this, for the /right/ reasons, not just for PR as I suspect for W&K with this HT movement. I don’t like William but kudos to him for encouraging Harry to talk to someone. I cannot see William doing that himself, however, nor can I see him being this open with anybody. Sad really as I’d like him to be, as well, but I don’t feel he has anything to add to the conversation.

   He will be doing more engagements for HT regarding the marathon this week. More than W&K, I think.

   Rock on, Harry.

   Thanks for this post, KMR, I was thinking how much you’d like this when I read the Telegraph interview and listened to the whole podcast. This is what we’ve been waiting for and why we’ve been criticizing this whole thing. It’s a step towards giving it relevance.

   1. I suspect Kate to have some issues, too ,but she will be too afraid to say something.For what I can see,she had a nice and carefree life, but not her own.She can’t breath her own air, because of the weight and the pressure her mother puts in her(I speak from experience, I see a lot of her behaviour in my younger self and I’m younger than Kate).It would cause a huge turmoil if she would stop letting her mother in her head a lot of times, in such a mother-daughter relationship you are afraid to lose the love of your mother which is not ok.Kate should have break free some time in her life, making something crazy her mother is not ok with.She would have won own strength and character.They love each other, but Kate needs her own character.
      William, I don’t want to start with him. He has his own issues, not just Harry.It’s arrogant behaviour of William to let Harry always speak alone as if William never had issues.

   2. I agree with above posts!

      Impressive Prince Harry, HIV Testing was another by a royal.

      Prince Harry need to be the sole Patron (add Princess Henry soon, especially with the instability due Brexit, call for Jun elections by PM, who may could be out as well…).

      Entitled lazy Will/canNOT middeltons only riding Harry’s coat tail with his hardwork care and dedication to his causes – his handwritten letter to the military families for May 15 BP Picnic shows how lazy uncaring and undutiful billkat middeltons are.

      Thank you ( future King Henry!) and KMR.

2. Really brave of Harry, admirable!
   When I had grief in my life, I was often also afraid to open up about it because many people are insensitive or don’t want to hear about it and I always had the feeling that you have to function, not crying about things.Sad, of course, but I think there are a lot of people with hidden grief.
   I was also a little taken aback that it lasted for almost twenty years for him to live that way! But I remember that I recognized a change in his behaviour after his 30th birthday,so good for him! I hope, he can feel better now!

3. It was impressive that he did this because he will end up helping people by admitting that he at one point needed help as well. This is so much better than Kate saying that parents are to blame for kids having issues and that she has no issues no siree!

   William if he was prepared to admit he sought help might be able to have some credibility here too, but until then, I think he and Kate need to fade from this topic and find something else. Spouting platitudes means nothing to those who truly need help.

   1. That’s true !

   2. Now I think it’s William’s turn to open up. The way Harry puts it is as if he’s the one who had mental issues when Diana died and William was always OK. Maybe William’s issues started way before Diana died & it just aggravated after she died ‘cos he was using the sympathy card. He became lazy and insufferable, not to mention his anger issues. Before anyone could heal and be a better person, he/she has to admit that he/she has a problem, then seek help through medication or advice. The problem is William doesn’t know that he has a problem or he is in denial or he thinks he is the perfect prince or King-in-waiting. Such ego! Such arrogance! No wonder he looks so bored during royal engagements. So good luck to Harry & I pity him for having to tolerate his Brother.

      1. It’s interesting that William, the more put upon son by their mother, and who exhibits demonstrable difficulties (some of which you mention), does not choose to disclose whether he undertook any counselling. Of course, he is not beholden to anyone to do so; it’s just in the context of Heads Together ‘start a conversation’ that it is curious. I’m left wondering that it maybe okay for a ‘spare’ to open up, but not appropriate for a future king? If so, the old stereotypes, the stigma they are trying to break are in place in William’s own life. There must be many conflicting emotions for both men: a mother whose image is held up as one of near sainthood to many, yet they will know of her many poor personal choices and flaws. It would be difficult to navigate loyalty to her on one hand and accepting behind closed door truths. I honestly don’t think Kate’s channelling Diana in dress, flashing that damn ring all the damn time, mimicking speech patterns etc helps at all.

         1. Part of me feels so bad for William being used as an emotional weapon by his mother and her using him as her shoulder to cry on. I wish he would speak of it openly as Harry has spoken of things openly, but their personalities are too different and part of me thinks William just doesn’t want to admit he ever had any issue or that he needs to talk about anything. The arrogance of believing one is perfect and has never had any problems.

            Charles has opened up about various things. I don’t see why William couldn’t, but I think William is at heart paranoid, privacy-obsessed, and also believes he’s superior in a way a lot of the other royals don’t even believe they are superior. Sort of like Kate talking about how perfect her life is.

            1. I agree with you.
               I love/d Diana, but my least favorite thing about her is how she used William as her emotional crutch and exposed him to things that he should never have aware of (the ugliness between her and Charles, the divorce agreement, etc.)– it was inappropriate of her to rely on him (a child) that way.
               But, I wonder if William can’t talk about that because he doesn’t want to sully his mother’s memory at all… like maybe he could admit that some of those things were not okay if she were alive but since she’s gone, he doesn’t want to acknowledge any lingering anger or resentment he may have about how she acted in some ways? Just a thought.

            2. ^^ This.

               And that is I suspect where a lot of his anger towards PoW stems from. Not just the obvious that Daddy treated Mummy badly but that their problems put William in such a invidious position because he was confidante in chief and protector of his Mother who’s problems he couldn’t solve and in his child’s eye view saw the other parent as causing. Then to top it all she’s taken away from his protection altogether in death……totally tragic and one can understand his anger at his father, his mother, the RF and the media.

               Like you I loved Diana but this was one of the worst things she did as a Mother. And given the distaste for her more eccentric behaviour by the RF it’s no wonder that William & Harry feel they have to protect her memory and carry on her best work even when she was far from perfect in her actions.

               An top of all this you have the pressure of being the future King, growing & grieving in the public eye and your own troubles to reconcile with.

               It’s terribly sad but until William learns to display some humility like his brother does, he will never be taken to the hearts of his people the way his brother is.

            3. I have tremendous respect for Harry. Speaking about this is going to do more for Heads Together than the other appearances where the same message “don’t hestitate opening up” is hammered away constantly. Now, here’s someone speaking about his own issues. A Royal! I give Harry tremendous credit and if William was instrumental in having him seek help, good for him. Still, I for one, wish William and Kate would talk about their issues. I know they don’t have to do so, but if only they would mention something . Please, everyone has issues.

               When reading the article and looking at the photos of Diana with her little boys, my heart was heavy. She did love her children so much and was so relaxed and happy in the photos. Yes, she had problems, but everyone does. I do think that laying so many of her problems on little William’s shoulders was wrong, but that is what happened and William needs to understand that, accept her love for him (yes, she loved him and Harry, don’t you think)? and work to move on. Grief is a terrible thing and can raise its ugly head long after you have thought you healed. I feel sorry that William is so angry, but wish he would try to heal that anger. Anger will eat you alive.

               But, this is Harry’s moment. I am very pleased that he has worked on his grief and wish him the best as he tries to encourage others. His remarks were brave and helpful to many.

         2. We know she said that she said those things, but have no evidence of it. She may have shared too much with William, I personally doubt to what extent and how frequently it was taking place. 1) Diana lied about many things 2) William and Harry were at boarding school during the majority of the War of the Waleses.

            1. NOTA …..Paul Burrell, Ken Wharfe, Patrick Jephson and Piers Morgan all write about Diana’s habit of her confiding in William. Piers Morgan states that she talked so freely in front of William at a lunch he attended with them that he was shocked at how much in the loop he actually was. Whilst we don’t know exactly what she confided in him there are many sources that state that she did (including her own friends) and that it was not always healthy or appropriate.

            2. To reiterate, we still do not know the extent to which that happened. I don’t consider her friends to be neutral witnesses. Piers Morgan is an unethical hack who will say whatever he feels like (fact or fiction) if it gets him press.

               It does not account for the fact that both the boys were away at boarding school the majority of the time. Not saying it didn’t happen sometimes, or that it was likely inappropriate – but it wasn’t 24/7/365 as some would think.

               We get the spin that William resents his parents’ infidelities, and that is a big cause of issues he may have. Given William’s choices, it doesn’t appear that he has a problem with infidelity. He’s living in the house where Charles and Camilla had their relationship. We know his track record on his own inability to remain faithful. I think what he resents is how his parents relationship falling apart impacted him, not the fact of infidelity. The state of his relationship with his mother at the time of her death may have had a much greater impact than anything else.

            3. Yes, I imagine he resents how his parents behavior impacted him. But that’s true of any child of divorce. Marital strife upends a child’s world. And his parents’ infidelities and break up played out in public, and so he witnessed the very messy War of Wales right alongside his boarding school mates and their families, too. I can’t imagine how humiliating that had to have been for him. And heaven knows it wasn’t healthy.

            4. NOTA just because Piers Morgan is an unprincipled hack you cannot write off his account as false or exaggerate as it is also verified in Jephson’s book. He attended the lunch where Diana discussed Hewitt & Hoare and Camilla in front of him and William joined in. He refers to it as a truly bizarre experience to see William discussing the players in Diana’s so openly and that ‘nothing was off limits to him of her bizarre life’. That is just one of many accounts that she over shared with William.

               There are also many accounts of William in absolute floods of tears before returning to boarding School because as he told the staff ‘his mother needed him’ to be at home.

               It was only prior to Diana’s death that he had become much more jaded. A conversation between Diana & William was overheard by a pap who photographed the ensuing row with William yelling at her that he’d had enough. Staff at Balmoral said that when they asked him how he had enjoyed his holiday with the Al Fayeds he rolled his eyes and said ‘you know how it is’. In short he no longer saw himself as her protector or confidant as he was sick to death of the whole circus that came with her and he had started to feel she encouraged.

               The whole narrative of William being over exposed as a child didn’t just come from Diana. It may have started in the Morton book with Diana revealing it but is it sourced in nearly every biographical book be it Tina Brown, Sally-Bedell Smith, Sarah Bradford, Penny Junor plus employees Jephson, Burrell and Wharfe as well as friends such as Simone Simmonds and Ingrid Seward. And grubby hacks like Piers Morgan. Simone Simmonds actually wrote that William used to ring her up to ask her about his Mother’s appointment with ‘spooks’ (tarot cards, astrology) etc. Were they safe. What did it involve? That is not the normal behaviour of a pre teen who’s has not heard and seen too much. It’s awful to take a child’s naivety away like that especially when so much of it was used against his father. In a modern UK court that could be and has been construed as emotional abuse and could lose a Mother custody of her children.

            5. Again, not saying it didn’t happen. Saying that the extent of it, given that the boys were both away at boarding school most of the year, has been exaggerated. Even if he was called away from school, it wasn’t every night for entire school years. Trust me, I’m definitely not in the St. Diana camp. She was a good mother in some ways, a horrible one in others.

               I continue to find it fascinating that the things he appeared to resent in both parents are things he does himself. From infidelity to all the games with the press. As if he thinks they got it wrong, and he’ll show them how to really play those games right.

            6. I am a huge Diana fan as you probably have noticed but I do recognise she was as one of her kinder commentators and described her ‘a fruit cake on the rampage’ (Clive James).

               Having had my own parents divorce while I was at boarding school I felt the absolute panic and distress as the holidays ended because I didn’t know how they would survive until I got back for next end of term. What they would do to each other whilst I was away? and would that be my last holiday with my parents together? It ate away at me for every day of every term and made me an exceptionally anxious teenager.

               I know from my own experience how as the eldest child I felt the responsibility to hold my family together and my parents also played each other off against each other, they couldn’t help themselves and they weren’t half the loose cannon Diana was.

               The memory of it all still causes me distress now and I’m 45. William’s situation was far, far worse because not only were his parents emotionally damaged, this was being played out in the press and in front of the staff. The embarrassment and shame, the teasing and everyone else knowing his family business. It’s a terrible thing for any child to go through but for him I find I unimaginable that he’s not a in long term therapy or had extensive therapy.

               He may well be an arrogant tosspot with control and anger issues but on this I really do understand to some degree why this is a fundamental issue that really doesn’t matter how much he was at home to witness. In many ways for him it’s worse that he wasn’t……he had no control over it. Totally powerless to stop his parents destroying each other. And as we know control and having it is an ongoing theme in William’s tortured psyche and impossible behaviour.

               To lose such basic control of one family circumstances when you’ve felt responsibility for holding it all together at such a young age explains so much about what we see in him now.

         3. What I found interesting, Harry said it was William who encouraged him to get help. If that’s true makes me think I little higher of him.
            I agree tho. I think both he and Kate have their own issues and no they don’t have to tell us all about them but if you’re doing a campaign like this, makes it even better
            Harry did more with this one interview to get people talking about MH than I think the whole iniative has done since it’s conception. CNN MSNBC and BBC all did bits on it.

      2. I am not going to assume that William did not get help after his mother’s death. In the interview Harry stated, “[William] kept saying this is not right, this is not normal, you need to talk to [someone] about stuff, it’s OK.” Also I am pretty sure that it was reported that both William and Harry got counseling immediately following Diana’s death.

         I think that it would be a good thing if William spoke out but I think that, while Harry’s situation is difficult and layered, William’s situation is substantially more complicated and even more layered. I can see it being a challenge for him to speak out about it in a way that is forthright and sincere and yet not end up sharing things that about his mother and their relationship that does not reflect well on her as well as other aspects of being royal.

         William has been a patron Child Bereavement UK for years, although it should be noted his link to the charity was because Diana was a patron. To me it is a big thing that William selected its founder as one of George’s godparents. Again it will be fine if at some point William flat out admits that he has gotten counseling relating to his mother’s death and other issues, but he has done other things that indicates for me that he has gotten help, believes that help should be sought and awareness should be raised.

         1. I agree!

            Diana was selfish like km/carol…(divorce fights but most important he was an heir!} by including young wm to protect herself and investments (birthing both heirs), to the RF.

         2. +1

   3. I don’t think anyone should feel forced to open up about mental health struggles if they don’t want to. W may not feel it’s safe to disclose his pain in the way Harry did. If he does eventually want to openly discuss his struggles, then I hope he finds a way that feels honest and true for him. For W that situation may never present itself.

      Harry obviously felt he had the emotional and intellectual tools to be open at this moment. And I believe Harry’s courage will help others by his being to brave and articulate.

      1. +1

      2. Agree, but Harry has shown great bravery in doing so and this will help HT so much.

      3. +1

   4. +100

      Km uninformed nonsense cause more harm- her thinking is in line with the negative enabling of carol middeltons with whiny bill, blaming and having him began having issues with his father POW, the RF (the nonsense that carol/middeltons provide family to bill), when he had a happy RF upbringing with their father all along until the middeltons.

      I feel certain POW HM RF had the boys in counseling right at Di’s death, as well as further along for Prince Harry to cope. I am a prince seem to need more especially dealing with carol/w middletons pressures for their climb.

      KM harmful words could complicate mental issues rather than help.

4. Kudos to harry for opening up about a very personal issue. The response from
   The press and the public had been phenomenal! It’s funny that a single interview has lent more credibility and gravitas to Heads Together than anything the trio has done since they launched the campaign.

   I always bristle when people criticize him and Will for “using mummy’s” death as a PR tool because I feel like Diana’s death is their tragedy – it’s their story more than anyone else’s, and they should be able to tell that story in anyway they like as long as they’re not hurting people. And I feel like the whole damned world got to grieve for Diana publically, but Will and Harry didn’t get that chance – in fact, they were put in this strange position in which they had to offer up their bereavement for public consumption. It was so sad.

   1. + 1000. It also must. Be excruciating to have your mothers life publicly. Discussed every week e

   2. William I think does use it as a PR tool. Leave me alone, give me privacy, my mother died, I can’t work too hard because my mom and dad were terrible parents and my mom died so I can’t work so I can be with my kids despite how I am never home.

      Harry brings it up when it is relevant like for this or the landmines, or HIV. He does not milk it or use it for sympathy points to get out of work and duties.

      I feel sad they were no table to grieve properly and the public felt they owned their mother, therefore owned them too. But being Diana’s son has been a boon to William who has used her to get out of his duty and position. Which is a shame.

      1. +1

         I remember when Harry went on the tour of South Africa after Diana’s death. My heart hurt for him. Everyone watched every nuance while he was processing his mother’s death. He was in excellent form, but now we realize he was in the midst of this struggle.

         1. +100

            I also feel his military life and witnessing a different kind of combat from terrorism – help trigger (speaking as retired military family.)

            He needs to announce his engagement and get MM on board. He hasa lot of work in the next several weeks to Invictus and need to have MM support not just hidden due royal Protocol.

      2. I think the situation is far more complicated than that. And as observers, we have our assumptions and our theories and our projections–but we’ll never be privy to the whole truth.

      3. I agree, Ellie. There are many people in this world who suffer terrible loses, including the loss of a parent. They do not use that as an excuse not to work, while continuing to take the money and perks associated with the job.

         We have seen, time and again, that when the criticism of William ratchets up, he brings up his mother. When criticism of his wife’s lack of work goes up, we get PR planted stories about how royal work destroyed Diana. Lather, rinse, repeat.

   3. The press in Canada has made a big deal about this as well in a positive way. Both Peter Mansbridge and Ian Hannamansing talked about it on their newscasts last night.

      1. Lets hope Meghan request for leave is for Prince Harry’s charity events – military BP Picnic and or – Official Engagement (with Elections brexit uncertainty) – PH Wales / MM need to be official (Prince Couple) .

         Useless pipa carol middeltons negative expensive PR already overridden by G/toddler C and Prince Harry Meghan ( attending/”invited or not”) – not even pipas dress is of interest.

         1. Wow Dolittle you are really pushing this relationship.

5. I was impressed with this podcast – very well done by Bryony and Harry. I truly hope it helps folks.

6. I thought of you too KMR.

   We cannot know what it is like to walk in his shoes as in a fish in a fish bowl existence. The world of all kinds of people watching everything and listening for the details.

   It is not easy to open up to a therapist let alone everyone. Harry has been growing since the Las Vegas escapade. Life is a constant journey. I am so happy to hear that he found assistance along the path.

   I know from personal experience that the process can take a long time. Finding the right person or therapist is not easy either. And that is a very important component.

   Harry will continue to be a shining example…he seems to have that Midas touch. Thank you Harry.

7. Well said Lobbit!!!!!!

   1. 🙂

8. Grief and depression knows no bounds. It doesn’t discriminate. I applaud Harry for his candor. Like you all have stated, we now know why HT is important for Harry. I’m so glad that he opened up.

   Thanks for this post, KMR!

9. I wonder whether William sought counselling himself or whether this is Harry’s way of including him in the cause. Grieving is such a complicated and ongoing process and some people find it easier than others to be able to talk about loss in such a personal way that Harry has. People grieve and mourn differently and it is not right to compare the two brothers as they have very different personalities. I also get the impression that expressing one’s feelings/showing emotion is frowned upon by the more senior members of the royal family who have the ‘keep calm and carry on’ mentality. I’m Harry’s age and I was amazed at how in control of their emotions both boys were at the funeral, I hope they had time away from the world’s prying eyes in those early days to properly mourn for their mother.

   1. I read recently that Charles had therapy for 14 years; I can’t imagine him being unaware of his sons’ grief and problems. Of course people process grief and guilt in different ways; I mention the latter because William had the added burden of having told his mother he hated her in their very last conversation. No-one would be able to carry that without it having some impact.

      1. I expect after his marriage and Diana’s death he needed every one of those 14 years of therapy. The poor man was simply not emotionally equipped to cope with the hubris of life with the Diana rollacoaster plus two desperately grieving children. There are times when I have wondered whether PoW would ever cope and survive. He’s a good man…..he’s just rather eccentric and not of the real world but in essentials his heart is very much in the right place IMO.

         1. +1

         2. +2 In all my reading on the BRF, I’ve always been a bit of sympathizer for PC.

         3. Was Diana that bad?

            1. ‘When she was good she was very, very good but when she was bad she was horrid’.

               Total mismatch Kitty. Just totally wrong for each other. So much so that emotionally they nearly destroyed each other.

         4. they were two people who needed others to take care of them, and putting those two personalities together–someone a bit eccentric, intelligent, articulate and old fashioned, with someone young and fun with all her demons and that awful family (the Spencers seem quite odious)… never would have worked out.

   2. The Queen protected them from prying eyes by keeping them at Balmoral, and ended up being attacked for it. I think Charles arranged for both of them to be away from the public eye soon after and while they were teens too. William in Africa and Harry at a cattle ranch (US? Australia?) and also Africa.

10. Finally, this is what Heads Together needed to have a larger impact. Harry doing this interview, his interview with People before Invictus, and his HIV test have gotten big play in the USA as well as in the U.K. He really has embraced the role as global ambassador these past two years.

    To be fair to William, this week he is stepping up too, doing interviews and talking with Lady Gaga (which will surely make news). So far, William is more guiding conversations rather than talking about his personal experiences, but that’s what he is comfortable with, and that’s ok. He doesn’t have to be as open and as naturally warm as Harry, but he does have to continue doing things like he is doing this week. Otherwise, the campaign will fizzle out.

    I think the interview with Gaga is funny in that on his desk, he has a picture of Lupo, a picture of his wedding, and a picture of Harry. They clearly have read some of the criticism that previous images of his home lacked a personal touch.

    1. They always use impersonal, released photos for things like this. Or at least William does. We never see anything personal or ‘theirs,’ whereas with photos of HM at her places we see lots of personal photos. Make sure we don’t see anything personal and private!

       The video was pretty stupid, I think. William hates celebrities, right? Hahaha.

       1. It’s a very staged interview, but I’m still glad he did it.

          1. Out of curiousity, I just looked up old interviews with William. He’s always been staged in interviews, even in his University days, with him pouring over books at the library in the most unnatural fashion. I suppose if he wants to get the message out on mental health or his other charities, he will have to rely on some celebrities or at least highlight other people involved in the cause because he clearly has trouble connecting to a big audience. He’s a guarded man, and that makes it tough to relate naturally to an interviewer and the viewer undoubtedly picks up on it. I will say he at least seemed more at ease with Lady Gaga than Taylor Swift or Beyoncé. Maybe that’s because they were on FaceTime and not side by side.

             1. I forgot about those photos. Contrast that with his joke that he never set foot in a library in a speech at Cambridge a few years later. The Cambridges heavy-handed PR makes it hard to believe anything they say.

       2. +1

          last sentence…(lady gaga. !??)

    2. Agree. I think it’s great that Harry shared his story, but he didn’t owe anyone that and William doesn’t either.

       1. I totally agree. No one should be forced to talk or open up. That defeats the whole object of talking therapy. He’ll do what’s right for him when he’s ready. I suspect he’s only scratched his surface given the anger we see displayed in him. Besides it’s always much easier to point others that need help in that direction that take it onboard yourself. I don’t much like William but I don’t wish Mental Health struggles on anyone and I do hope he finds his inner peace……whatever it is.

          1. +1

       2. +1

11. Finally, after a year we have a campaign that has the whole world talking. Well, well done Harry (and William for being big brother with the ability to help Harry). Probably not a popular view but I think it’s become a lot clearer this weekend why William settled for Kate and why he draws such comfort from the Middletons. To my mind he had been deep in his own crisis but I’m not sure he has enough humility and self deprecation to bring his own struggles out into the open. Certainly not at the moment……this is Harry’s moment.

    My biggest concern about this campaign is and remains the fact that we do not have the resources in our National Health Service to cope with a sudden and large increase in people accessing talking therapy. And the fact that our government has announced a general election this morning has rather knocked the momentum into the grass. From talking about Harry all weekend the media storm is now the election. That’s a crying shame.

    1. Hi Mrs BBV, we don’t have the resources here in the State either. I work in law enforcement and my heart breaks at the number of people who are incarcerated when what they really need are mental health services but there are no available beds for them. It’s horrible listening to a young woman scream for 2 weeks straight while in the midst of drug induced psychotic break because we aren’t able to find a proper facility for her and letting her out just isn’t an option. The stress on the staff who are doing the very best they can to care for her is enormous. I wonder if there will ever be a time when mental health issues become important enough for our local leaders to take notice and do something to help.

       1. Just awful isn’t it? We see people discharged from services who have lifelong conditions because their allocated number of sessions is up regardless of whether they are ready. There is no one size fits all with MH is there? Then their doctors re refer them and they join the hamster wheel all over again. waiting lists, assessments, evaluations just to get back into a service they should never have been turned away from……many who have self harmed, attempted suicide along the way which could have been avoided with just minimal input, knowing that the service was there and could be accessed in crisis. Not cutting people’s treatment because the patient had reached the prescribed amount of sessions as laid down by a financial beancounter for BiPolar, Depression, Eating Disorders etc….

          Only those that ask for help and push until they get it get seen and yet we know that those with a mental health problems struggle to ask for help. Mental Health is a modern day crisis and it needs treating as such and much as I applaud this initiative they are in some ways pulling off the scab but there is no one there to treat the wound. Very worrying times but doing nothing is not an option either.

          1. Years ago, the government prescription here was to defund the services for severe mental health conditions, including residential care, with the glib ‘the community’ would care for them. Of course, that didn’t happen. And of course, it was an ideological move to shift responsibility that resulted in chaos and abject cruelty to those who needed compassion and care most of all.

             I wrote here a while ago that someone connected to one of the HT charities expressed alarm that though the campaign had raised awareness, the increased demand in services could not be met which in itself was causing stress in the charities.. They were waiting for the release of RF monies to help. I’d like to know:
             1. When funds are to be released/ have been released;
             2. How much;
             3. How the charity is spending the money.
             Also how much money was raised in that newspaper Christmas appeal – the Telegraph? Express? Monies raised were earmarked for HT and animal welfare.

       2. I read where Stockholm, Bergen and a city in the Netherlands actually have MH ambulances. When you call the operators assess whether a regular ambulance is needed or MH one. They have 2 MH nurses and paramedic on the bus
          I think the US needs to utilize something like this.

          1. There is a trial in one area of UK where a mental health nurse is seconded to a busy police station to assess the MH of arrests and find out whether they are currently diagnosed or receiving treatment for MH. A small start but not much considering the scale of the problem. That sounds very progressive Sarah.

       3. My opinion is unpopular, but we need to reopen psychiatric hospitals. It was a terrible idea to close them. Decades of budget cuts collided with the patients’ rights movement, and resulted in tens of thousands of patients being abandoned to homelessness or incarceration.

          1. If we didn’t call them hospitals and they weren’t institutions I would be 100% with you. Personal Respite Centres maybe? We definitley need to change the language surrounded with the old style management of mental health. People need to know it’s not all ECT and sectioning of patients. Xx

             1. I think we need facilities where people can get long-term, or at least longer-term, help. But this requires an investment of people and money that we are unwilling to spend.

          2. Some psych hospitals in the U.S. were horror houses. Just awful. If such facilities open, they need to be monitored constantly and need to safer places where real healing, or help with issues, can be done with compassion and the best in medical care.

    2. “Probably not a popular view but I think it’s become a lot clearer this weekend why William settled for Kate and why he draws such comfort from the Middletons”

       Mrs BBV, please can you elaborate? I’m a bit confused about what you say has become clear. Your responses on this blog are always so well-considered and thought provoking so I’d like to hear more from you on this…

       1. Gosh Em…..thank you. ☺️

          I have to be clear I don’t like the Middleton’s behaviour for attracting attention to themselves and their social climbing but they have provided William with a solid family unit (missing in his life even before his Mother died), they indulge and pamper him. I would even go as far as to say they let him escape his destiny in a way that the RF can never do.

          No obligation or responsibility from them to be anything other than a father and husband. We know that Kate is of the mindset ‘anything to keep William happy’. We saw him being perfectly rude to Carole in public at Christmas service and she looked completely unruffled by him barking orders at her in public. I think they accept him for what he is, warts and all. Their motives for doing this might be questionable but William clearly sees no duplicity behind that as he has a keen antenna for people on the make off him. I think the RF expect from him all the time ……duty, etiquette, protocol, pressure. standards of behaviour that but with them he can just be William Wales without the future Kingship constantly rammed down his throat. It’s not even what gets said it’s being with the court and all the staff, the bowing, the YRH and bowing. He needs a place to escape the weight of it all.

          When he’s there he doesn’t need to defer to a Father he doesn’t much like or respect due to how he treated his mother and he doesn’t have to act as a future heir of HM and all that entails. He’s just a man in charge of his environment with a subservient wife who causes no ripples, provides a stable home life and does what she’s told. There is no pressure, no expectation…..he can be who he wants to be.

          In short the Middletons provide the opportunity to escape the one thing in life he doesn’t want……his destiny. In his eyes they let him be normal William. The frustration that drives his desperate need to be in control of everything in his orbit doesn’t appear with them as he’s the one in control. But his alternative life is suffocating him IMO hence the barely suppressed anger that bubbles away just under the surface.

          Well that’s my take on William’s psyche and problems anyway. Xx

          1. Very insightful. And I agree with pretty much all of it. I don’t know the dynamics of his marriage or relationship with his in-laws, but I imagine that Kate and her family have provided him with an escape and a measure of emotional stability that he didn’t get much of growing up.

             I also think that you are spot-on about William not seeing any artifice in his in-laws–and that’s why I don’t either. His relationship with them is transactional, with both parties getting what they want out of the bargain–but to an extent, this is true of all marriages. That’s not to say that they don’t care for each other, of course. I’m sure they do in their own way.

             I don’t know that his alternative life is suffocating him, though. I think the petulance he’s so well known for is rooted in his having to accept the accouterments of a “destiny” that he doesn’t want, didn’t ask for, and doesn’t particularly respect. I also think he’s kind of a jerk, but I’ve read a story or two from his childhood that suggest that he’s always been an entitled little shit, so it’s no surprise that he’s grown into…an even bigger shit.

             1. That’s one of the reasons I don’t like him lobbit. He’s always been difficult, arrogant and entitled. People have repeatedly talked about how life at Court provided no discipline but spoilt him terriblly and as we know Diana was not a disciplinarian. She gave extremely mixed messages about the nannies and ofren adjudicated between a nannies punishment for misbehaviour and William’s temper and tears. To use the parlance of the day I think he was a spoilt little sh*t who got away with murder in the background of his parents troubles and divorce and then his Mothers death. I think he’s very Spencer, very Whig in behaviour and circumstances have helped make him more even dislikeable that just his family genes.

          2. Given the Middletons behavior for the last 15 years? I’d posit that the only reason they are there is because of William’s destiny.

             Brilliant lobbit. Transactional is an excellent way of viewing this circus. I’m not sure William realizes the extent of it, though, and may think they love him for him and not for his position.

             1. It’s quite possible that they love him for both, though. I mean, for better or worse, his destiny is very much a part of who he is as a person.

             2. To me, if what he needs (and is best for him) is to walk away from the royal circus? It should be the closest to him that would honor that, and the Middletons never would. At this point, I think the Windsors would.

          3. I totally agree with this, and their motives for it are pretty obvious.

             William is in a world of his own where he can do anything he pleases,and everyone will cater to him and expect absolutely nothing as he hates anyone wanting him to do anything. It’s clear he hates his duty and he hates who he is, so they are an escape and they dug their claws in years ago and he is happy with that because he is the center of their world and nothing is too much to please him. Nobody should ever say no to William, and everyone always protected him. He can whinge all he wants about being normal, but the life he leads is far from normal, too, it’s just wanting everything he can ever have without any of the responsibility or work–and the Middletons encourage it, of course.

          4. So insightful and empathetic! Thanks for sharing your thoughts Mrs BBV ?

12. Ok and today, William advises an end to the stiff upper lip when it comes to when dealing with emotional issues. It’s a step. He seemed to become quite overwhelmed by emotion himself in his appearance and said he needed time to calm down. Sad. He does have major pain when dealing with the memory of his loss of his mother. I am sorry for all that he and his brother went through.

    1. Oh wow, I hadn’t seen that. I feel for them as well. The horrible thing about grief is that it never really goes away–you just learn to cope with it and live alongside it.

    2. I just watched that video and he said he was overcome by emotion, but there was no emotion there. He also said he needed a minute to calm down, but then carried right on into the next sentence. I just don’t see any evidence to back up what he says. That is not to say it doesn’t affect him in some way, but the emotion never actually shows.

       I do find it interesting that after Harry gave this interview, today William says that the reason he is championing for mental health is because of the loss of his mom. Why didn’t he say that before? Now it just seems like he is saying it because Harry already paved the way.

       1. Yeah, he says these things, yet the video proves he’s just reading off rote and just doesn’t have any emotional investment. It’s a shame, really.

       2. It could be that. But some people have a narrow range of expressed emotion. I know two men well– my father in law being one of them– who seem to be completely unaffected by things when they are in actuality experiencing what, for them, is great depth. It just doesn’t show to those of us who feel deeply. But I know Bill enough that when he held my oldest for the first time he was overcome. To anyone else coming in he might have looked very normal.

13. Thanks KMR for this wonderful post! I am so grateful that you wrote about Harry’s podcast today, none of the other Kate-centric sites I visit have mentioned a word about it, so Thanks! In the past (and I’m sure in the future too) this community has rallied around those who are having a tough time and I find the level of compassion and caring exhibited here to be awe inspiring and we owe it all to you for creating this wonderful site. Thank you for creating a place where we can gripe and bitch but also share some of our own pain and suffering, in today’s world finding a safe place such as this is a godsend. I curtsey to you KMR.

14. This brought tears to my eyes…I am a mom myself to a son who’s my world. And I often say that if I happened to die unexpectedly while my son is still a child, my soul would not rest in peace, knowing that I failed as a mom and couldn’t be there for my boy when he needs me the most. I am glad that Harry’s admission & William’s chat with Lady Gaga is bringing much-needed media attention on childhood trauma and grief at losing a parent.

    I will always remember the saddest thing about Diana’s funeral: a tall and 15-yr old William hanging his head down and scrunching up his shoulders to try make himself look small, as if he wanted to just disappear. And a 12yr old Harry who just stood there stone-faced.

15. This is really wonderful. It it great to understand the personal connection Harry has to Heads Together. I just think it is courageous for Harry to speak about his personal connection to this cause and his own struggles with mental health. Kudos to him!
    I imagine that he is a different position that Will and Kate as far as being able to speak on these issues since he is not the direct heir? I’m not sure as I am American. Either way it is really great to see him speak out and open up about something so personal.

16. Forgive me for being cynical; but millions of kids (myself included) loose our parents at a young age.

    The difference between me/us and Harry is; millions of dollars in his bank account to cushion the harsh realities of life, a life lived in extreme luxury, no bills to pay or mortgage payments to worry about, access to the best medical practicioners and psychologists, sycophants and endless one-on-one “follow-up”, that money can buy. ….while the rest of us (the unwashed masses) simply “get on with it”.

    IMO; both Harry and William have totally miss their target audience in “honoring” Diana’s 20 year death anniversary: because they simply forget that a whole genetation has come and gone, people have absolutely no idea who Diana was.

    And reading the latest revelations/books/interviews of people who knew of Diana; she was no saint, but a mentally disturbed, manipulative narcissistic woman who almost singlehandedly de-railed 1000 yrs of monarchy

    1. Right. But I think the point that is being made here is that none of us should be expected to “get on with it” when we’re struggling with grief or mental health.

       I don’t know that I agree that people don’t know who Diana was, but perhaps the activities planned to honor her on the 20th anniversary of her death are meant to ensure that she’s never forgotten.

       Diana was pretty up front about her struggles with her mental health, she certainly wasn’t a saint, and she may have been manipulative, narcissistic, etc–but for Will and Harry, she was just mom. They loved her and I think they want her to be remembered for the good that she did. I don’t begrudge them that.

       1. I don’t want to forget her, she was so important to me growing up.

          Mr BBV is working in London this week and staying in Kensington. He’s gone up to KP gardens this evening to see if he can get anywhere near the sunken garden that opened last week as a memorial garden for her, to see if he can take some pictures for me. He knows how much she matters to me and the first Mrs BBV even though he didn’t get her at all.

          She was troubled, she was flawed, she did crazy things and she had mental heath problems but through her short life in the public there was something incredibly special about her and I and many others loved her. I want to remember her and don’t want to see her airbrushed from national life. So I support every step her boys take to cherish her memory and preserve a tiny bit of her for us……and especially for themselves.

          1. Oh, I hope Mr. BBV is able to get you those pictures!

             1. So do I. I’m not sure it’s open to the public so I’ve told him to slip security £10 and send him off with his phone if it’s not. Xxx

             2. I think the gardens are open to the public? They should be!!

          2. Mrs. BBV, I completely agree with you and feel the same way. I was 14 years old when she married PC and I watched her life unfold in wonderment over the years. Before her, I had no interest in England, monarchy, and would daydream during history class. But she changed it all. She was unstable, flawed, and wild and crazy, but I loved to watch the train wreck.

             You are so lucky that your husband is trying to take pictures. I wish I could see them. Please share, if you are able.

             I always enjoy your posts and your comments are always glorious and thought-provoking. Thank you and keep posting!!!

             1. Thank you LoriB…..so kind of you. ☺️ Try and stop me sharing them. With KMR’s permission I will post every single one. Fingers crossed. Ellie I know the gardens are open but for some reason I think this one may have limited access. Praying not. By the time hubby got in tonight he didn’t have time…..the light was going so he’s a man on a mission tomorrow! If it can be done he will do it for me. Xxx

             2. I hope not! I hope your husband can go see it and take pictures. How far are you from London? We’ll be visiting again next year, too long for my liking if you ask me! I want to move there! Ha.

             3. Mrs. BBV, is the new sunken garden a re-make of the odd wading water circle that didn’t work, or something new? I have hopes that this is finally an appropriate memorial.
                P.S. You have a great husband!

             4. I’m about two hours drive away. Hubby has rented a flat on High Street Ken this week so he can amble up to the KP gardens as soon as he gets back from work.

                I don’t much like London anymore…..it’s great if you are very wealthy but over the last ten years normal people have been priced out of London. It was always expensive but now it’s extortionate. Not just property but dining out, shopping, travel. My sister sold her house just outside London, gave up her PR job in stockbroking and relocated to Alnwick (Harry Potter Castle and Duke of Northumberland / Percy family seat). Twenty years she’d done in London and she was not moving any further forward just getting further and further priced out. She’s now mortgage free and has a beautiful house by the sea and makes money selling craft and interior pieces for shops in the local area with a much more sedate pace of life. That said she saw a job vacancy for Alnwick Castle working for the Percy’s last week that she’s thinking of applying for because she said she would die to work amongst all that history. I know exactly how she feels.

                I think one goes to live in London when you’re young but eventually the pace and the cost burns you out.

                Both of us love to visit for shows, exhibitions, eating out, shopping but I don’t think I could ever live there again. Well not if if wanted to keep my mental equilibrium. Visiting London is marvellous but after a few days I can’t wait to get back to my slow pace of life again. Dogs, wellies, walks and never putting make up on when I leave the house.

             5. Fifi…..the Children’s Memorial Playground and the Memorial Fountain are still there. The new Diana garden was the sunken garden is now called The White Garden and is outside KP. I just don’t know how accessible to the public it is? Xx

                https://www.royalparks.org.uk/parks/kensington-gardens/things-to-see-and-do/sports-and-leisure/diana-memorial-playground

                https://www.royalparks.org.uk/parks/hyde-park/things-to-see-and-do/memorials,-fountains-and-statues/diana-memorial-fountain

                He is an absolute darling. Just the luckiest girl in the world to have him but I hate it when he works away.

             6. That sounds so lovely for your sister! I was shocked how expensive London is, and yet, it was not too unusual insofar as I live near Los Angeles which is crazy expensive. Not as bad as London though! It sounds like it would be exhausting yet fun for younger people (I guess I’m still young at 30!). We live in suburbia, so it’s quieter and more family oriented but unfortunately our public transport is so bad so you MUST drive everywhere.

                A job like that would be incredible, to be among all that history every day and to feel like you are a part of it!

                My husband’s company has made noise about, if he wants, sending us to London for a year or two. We’re considering it but I don’t know, with a young child (too bad I do not have dual citizenship like my dad does!)… If we had no kids, it would be an easy decision!

             7. Ellie that sounds like a fab opportunity. I wouldn’t pass it up. Having a peak over the fence to see what the grass looks like is always much better that jumping in at the deep end. Thirty is a great age to take in and appreciate all London has to offer and there is a lot. Theatre, Architecture, Museums, Royalty and history, the Parks, world class shopping, amazingly diverse cuisine. Maybe your little one is not yet old enough to notice some upheaval?

                If you can go sponsored by your hubby’s employer it might make it more cost effective so that you get the most out of it without feeling financially constrained by how pricey it is?
                Hubby has his accommodation and travel bills picked up so it makes it worthwhile but they say that a salary of twenty five thousand pounds is the minimum you need to earn to live in London if you are renting. I know my sister’s London mortgage cost a week what we pay a month for our house.

                I have a friend who works in LA and when she gets me make up that I can’t get in UK, I am always stunned at how much things cost when the sales tax is put on top. I think most Brits think America is much cheaper and has a higher standard of general living but when I order beauty products from Sephora and Nordstrom the import duties and shipping are eye watering too.

                Do keep me uptodate with your decisions and progress. And anything I can do to help please don’t hesitate to ask. Herazeus knows London a lot better that I do so she’s a brilliant source to pick the brains of too. Lots of love to you! Xxxx

             8. I’m all for it, just see what it is like and I think it would be a fantastic opportunity for all of us, though I don’t know how I would deal with such a change in weather! 🙂 I definitely hope we can visit again this winter, I would love to go to London in Christmastime and see my family again, but next year is just as good as any I suppose. Hopefully we can avoid the mad tourist season like we did going in autumn, it was beautiful if chilly for us wimpy Californians. 🙂 It was odd feeling as if I would experience culture shock and really hate it, but I felt I fit in better. I’m also one who hates large cities, at least ours in the States, but I enjoyed London. Also thought Cardiff was quite nice in a different way, a city yet felt more…homey, if that’s a word to use for it! Quaint? But not in a bad way.

                It would be sponsored by his employer I’m pretty sure, otherwise I doubt we’d be able to get a visa as I understand it’s becoming more difficult.

                It was nice to purchase something and know how much it cost right off the bat without the sales tax being tacked on at the end! I didn’t find prices too different from what they are here, but some things did surprise me with the expense. We wasted so much money on the Tube, but you live and learn, right?

                Also I have no idea what we’d do with our pets!!

                Ahh, dreaming. I’d love to live elsewhere for awhile. I almost studied a year in the UK (my dad’s demand was: go where we have family so if something happens you’ll be taken care of! sensible I guess!) but it was so much money I decided against it in the end. I wish I took the opportunity so I’m going to encourage our son to do it when he is in college if he wants to! I’m a travel nut though. 🙂 I’d love to go all over the world if I could!

                xoxo

       2. I still think that to honor Diana a better time would be an anniversary of her birth, to celebrate the good things she did in life. To pick the anniversary of her partcularily violent death is raking over coals. Of course her sons and family will acknowledge it, but that should be done privately. And I understand that the press will be all over it to boost sales and clicks. I don’t think the BRF should abet this, even with good intentions. Seems like the honoring of Diana right from the start has not been done well. Maybe because many of us have very mixed feelings about her.

    2. I don’t think SnowQueen is saying everyone just has to get over it, but the facts are the facts. Loss of a loved one, while the loss cannot be taken away, is easier when you aren’t having to worry about the roof over your head, maybe losing your home, and having to get on with paying for your life.

    3. I am sorry for your loss. However, this has been discussed before on this site and I am one who thinks that all the money in the world cannot ease one’s pain. When you lose a parent, as you apparently know — and I am sorry for that loss — it does seem as if your world ends at that time. Grief over losing a loved one never goes away. As others have said, people just learn to live with a hole in their hearts.

       I really cannot bear to dismiss anyone’s grief. A prince has feelings, just as a regular citizen does. And, William and Harry have had to deal with their loss in public — not just when their mother died — but even now.

       My heart goes out to both the princes. If they can channel their pain into helping others, it is admirable. Harry’s empathetic nature makes his work seem more sincere, but I believe William is doing what he thinks is best. He is trying. I give them both credit.

17. Grief is a very difficult emotion to deal with. Especially at such young ages as twelve and fifteen. Losing a mother or a father is a life altering and heartbreaking blow. Having to share that the world has to be unbearable. Princess Diana, the People’s Princess, was the most photographed woman of the 20th century. And one of the 20th century most famous women. Yet we didn’t know her. We only saw smoke and mirrors. What she wanted us to see. I very much admired Diana in my youth. I was nineteen when she passed away. She was an iconic woman of her time. A celebrity, a savvy PR business, a victim, an actress, and a mother. A mother who put too much on her eldest son’s shoulders. Pulling into the chaos of her breakdown of her marriage to Charles. A selfish thing to do to a child. Your job as a parent is protect your children from it. Not drag him in to it. Have him be your emotional support. That was her role as a mother. Diana used the power of the press to her benefit. Yet in doing that she became trapped in a gilded cage of her own making.

    I praise Harry for his openness. It is not easy to start the conversation. Mental health is so important. I am happy he is able to open up and I hope not feel people are judging him. If anything he can open doors to being more aware and open about mental health. That it shouldn’t carry a stigma. Bravo Harry!

    Now as to William. Here is a question. Do you think perhaps William hasn’t had any counseling because he is a future King of England? The stereotype of a stiff upper lip and getting on with it, has played a played a part in his life. Granted, we are not living in 15th or 16th century England, where William would have to lead the charge into battle. Yet perhaps if he did need help (mentally) maybe he would be seen as unfit to be the King of England? Seen as weak or mad. Not saying that any of that is true. Just a little food for thought.

    1. To be honest, if there is a weight placed on his shoulders by the burden of his grief and unhappiness, it was placed there by William himself. Stiff upper lip, yes, I can see the Royal Family not being entirely helpful in assisting William to move through and understand his feelings. But William’s particular life has surrounded him with a small army of “carers,” or people whose interest it is to maintain William’s sense of sanity and ease.

       That he feels overburdened or pressured is a feeling that he placed on himself. In my own opinion, only.

       1. I was speaking of the weight his mother put on him as a child. During the years prior to the divorce. As to the weight of burden from grief that is an entirely different matter. Which can be a combination of him internalizing his grief, lack of support by the BRF, and seeking of counseling. As Harry put it “he buried his head in the sand”. William could have done the same. Who knows.

    2. I think that he would have absorbed the message that he shouldn’t be seen as someone who needs emotional help/mental counseling but that he would have been provided as much help as he would sit still for. If he absorbed the message imperfectly, I can see that he would think himself “better” than the therapist and not benefit as much from professional expertise as someone more humble would.

       1. +1000

       2. Absolutely.

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