Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall moved to tears by SafeLives visit

Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall vowed to “help in any way I can” after visiting SafeLives on January 27 to hear about their work to end domestic abuse. Camilla was moved to tears hearing stories from survivors and stories about women who lost their lives to domestic violence.

Camilla visits SafeLives
[Clarence House @ClarenceHouse]

SafeLives, founded in 2005, is a national charity dedicated to ending domestic abuse in the UK, with a mission to make sure all people affected by domestic abuse can live safely. Though most high- and medium-risk domestic abuse victims are women and children, SafeLives also works with men. Just last year, SafeLives worked with over 67,500 high-risk victims and their 76,000 children.

Camilla speaking to Rachel Williams (brown dress).

Trigger warning for stories of abuse and discussion of domestic violence.

Camilla joined the group of survivors and friends and families members of those who lost their lives as they told their stories.

Rachel Williams, 43, described how her husband of 18 years, Darren Williams, shot her while at the hairdresser in 2011 after she tried to leave him. Ms. Williams showed the wristwatch she wore on the day she was attacked which had stopped at 2:26 pm. She said:

    “After he hit me on the head with the butt of the gun I fell to the floor, I tried to cover my body with the reception desk but it was kicked away by Darren.
    “I had the presence of mind to pull my legs up to my chest as he took aim and fired the first shot was taken by my leg, which has left me with life altering injuries, thankfully the second shot just missed my head.
    “He then put the gun down to reload, I grabbed the gun, a supernatural strength enabled me to hold onto the gun. This watch with the face now frosted is the result of a battle as we fought for control of the gun, as my wrist was dragged in every direction over the floor.”

Mr. Williams was found six hours later having hung himself in an area of local woodland. Just six weeks after the attack, Ms. Williams’ 16 year old son Jack was found hanging in the same spot, having taken his own life.

Camilla speaking to Diana Parkes, the mother of Joanna Brown.

Camilla also heard the story of Joanna Brown, who was killed by her husband, British Airways Captain Robert Brown, in 2010. Ms. Brown’s best friend talked about the emotional abuse Ms. Brown suffered in the years leading up to her murder. After months of harassment and intimidation, Mr. Brown bludgeoned his wife to death with a claw hammer within yards of their children, ten and nine at the time, and buried her in a grave he had dug weeks previously. Mr. Brown was cleared of murder even though he admitted to it, but was found guilty of manslaughter on the grounds of diminished responsibility.

Camilla also met Celia Peachey, whose mother, Maria Stubbings, was strangled in 2008 by her abusive ex-boyfriend, Marc Chivers, after police mistakes which included removing a personal safety alarm from her home, despite knowing that Chivers had already served 15 years in Germany for the murder of another woman. Chivers, who had already served time in jail for assaulting Ms. Stubbings, throttled the mother of two with a dog leash at her home and left her body buried under a pile of coats in her downstairs bathroom. A later inquest found that Ms. Stubbings’ murder was contributed to by repeated police mistakes.

After comforting several of the women and family members, Camilla said:

    “It’s so important that people like yourselves speak up otherwise we gloss over it. And this is too important an issue to ignore… Stories like this just have to be aired otherwise domestic abuse becomes a taboo subject. I want to do anything I can to help raise this issue. All of you going around and talking about it does create awareness.”

As she left the event, Camilla said: “I want to help in any way I can.”

SafeLives’ Chief Executive, Diana Barran, said in a statement:

    “We are hugely grateful to both The Duchess of Cornwall and our victim group for taking the time to explore the impact of domestic abuse. It is a damaging and traumatic experience and to talk openly about their stories is remarkably brave… We are committed to finding out what works through evidence and listening to local services, and then making sure every family benefits. We need a huge shift in our response to domestic abuse.”

More Links: Daily Mail. BT.

From the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence: “Domestic violence is the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another.”

Domestic violence and abuse can take many forms including physical, verbal, emotional, economic, religious, and sexual abuse. Domestic violence and abuse does not descriminate, it can occur regardless of age, economic status, sexual orientation, gender, race, religion, or nationality.

Some of the signs of domestic abuse include:

  • Telling the victim that they can never do anything right.
  • Showing jealousy of the victim’s family and friends and time spent away.
  • Keeping or discouraging the victim from seeing friends or family members.
  • Embarrassing or shaming the victim with put-downs.
  • Controlling the money spent in the household.
  • Taking the victim’s money or refusing to give them money for expenses.
  • Looking at or acting in ways that scare the person they are abusing.
  • Controlling who the victim sees, where they go, or what they do.
  • Dictating how the victim dresses, wears their hair, etc.
  • Preventing the victim from making their own decisions.
  • Threatening to hurt or kill the victim’s friends, loved ones, or pets.
  • Intimidating the victim with guns, knives, or other weapons.
  • Pressuring the victim to have sex when they don’t want to or to do things sexually they are not comfortable with.
  • Refusing to use protection when having sex or sabotaging birth control.
  • Pressuring or forcing the victim to use drugs or alcohol.
  • Preventing the victim from working or attending school, harassing the victim at either, keeping their victim up all night so they perform badly at their job or in school.
  • Destroying the victim’s property.

Links for further reading: National Domestic Violence Hotline; helpguide.org.

Domestic abuse hotlines: 1-800-799-7233 (US). 1-800-787-3224 (US-TTY). 0808 2000 247 (UK).

Domestic violence and abuse is focused mostly on abuse in intimate partner relationships, but a broader view of domestic violence and abuse includes family violence: parental abuse of children, parental abuse by children, and elder abuse.

Most of the domestic violence and abuse we hear about is of women, but it is important to remember that men do suffer from domestic violence and abuse, and rape, as well. Another area in which domestic violence and abuse is not talked about as much is in LGBT relationships.

There are a lot of statistics about domestic abuse, but I tend to think domestic abuse happens far more frequently than we realize. I, personally, know people who have suffered from domestic abuse by their romantic partner, people who have suffered abuse by their parents, people who have suffered elder abuse by their children, people who have suffered child physical and sexual abuse by their parents, and people who have suffered child sexual abuse by their siblings, and all went unreported.

Domestic abuse, child abuse, rape, all of these topics are uncomfortable subjects to discuss which are mostly taboo and oftentimes get overlooked and go unreported because of that. People don’t want to report an incident of abuse for fear that it will embarrass them if people found out, fear that no one will believe them, or fear that reporting their abuse will lead to their abuser abusing them more. The more these subjects are openly discussed, the less taboo they become, and the more victims will seek and receive help.

Ending domestic and sexual violence and abuse is a subject that I support. I’m glad that the Duchess of Cornwall has supported it, and I hope that she continues to support it more in the future.

72 Comments on Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall moved to tears by SafeLives visit

  1. Mary
    January 29, 2016 at 2:34 am (3 years ago)

    Thanks, KMR! Great story. Another example of what I mentioned the other night in praise of the Duchess of Cornwall. Independant, sincere and stylish. Thanks again!

  2. Patricia
    January 29, 2016 at 2:37 am (3 years ago)

    Oh my goodness, what a worthy cause Camilla is taking on and trying to help. Bless her heart for her efforts.

  3. Birdy
    January 29, 2016 at 2:46 am (3 years ago)

    What on earth is Camilla doing ? It’s January does she not know she should still be on holiday!!
    Great to see her taking such a personal interest in this cause and I hope she does get really stuck in. Just cannot imagine Kate getting involved with something like this, but she should as children are almost always involved in some way when there is domestic abuse, even if it is just hiding upstairs listening to the screams. Camilla has also mastered Leti’s art of dressing appropriately for this type of meeting – smart business attire that shows respect without screaming to be noticed.

    • Yorkie
      January 29, 2016 at 8:44 am (3 years ago)

      I admire Camilla for her compassion and strong work ethic.

      Nah, I don’t see Kate engaging herself at something like this either. What is she going to say to these women—the fake manic smiles won’t work and are inappropriate. Btw, I read her parents are in Mustique already. So I guess it won’t be long when Kate’s shadow appears.

      • Cathy
        January 29, 2016 at 10:14 pm (3 years ago)

        +1

    • Lindsey from DC
      January 29, 2016 at 10:48 am (3 years ago)

      I barely even noticed what she was wearing. For me, that’s a good thing. It means that she was appropriately dressed and that her visit was so substantive, it didn’t matter what she was wearing. This is how all Royal visits should be. If people are genuinely interested, engaged, and prepared, what they are wearing matters much less.

      • Sunny
        January 29, 2016 at 2:15 pm (3 years ago)

        ➕ 1

      • katemiddletonreview
        January 29, 2016 at 2:57 pm (3 years ago)

        I didn’t even notice what Camilla was wearing until after I was done with my article and reread it and realized I didn’t mention clothes at all. I, too, think that’s a good thing. There was just too much else to focus on, which is good.

    • katemiddletonreview
      January 29, 2016 at 2:56 pm (3 years ago)

      Abuse can be a cause of depression, so it would actually make sense for Kate to be linked in some way to supporting abuse sufferers since her Big Cause is mental illness.

      • Birdy
        January 29, 2016 at 3:01 pm (3 years ago)

        Absolutely KMR there is a very clear link. Kate should work with Camilla learn from her and develop but we know she won’t. No reason these things can’t be ‘team’ events and Kate needs some support when tackling real life problems . It’s shows how amazing Diana was to tackle very difficult issues when she was so young and so unhappy (and I know not perfect herself) in a way that happy Kate seems unable or unwilling to tackle. As most here know I have real issues with Camilla but if she really supports this cause I wil be very impressed.

        • Yorkie
          January 29, 2016 at 3:15 pm (3 years ago)

          I think it goes back to Kate who grew up sheltered and coddled by her mother all her life. Does she even have a mind of her own? Did she even suffer and sweat for anything? I’m not saying she has no empathy, but I question her pulse on the real world when she lived (and continues to live) in a bubble.

        • katemiddletonreview
          January 29, 2016 at 3:15 pm (3 years ago)

          I would love to see Kate and Camilla team up on something related to abuse and mental illness. Because, at least with depression, there can be a definite link there.

          • Birdy
            January 29, 2016 at 3:25 pm (3 years ago)

            Absolutely Jason are you listening? Camilla would help Kate if you let her……

          • ArtHistorian
            January 29, 2016 at 4:24 pm (3 years ago)

            Not to mention that children experiencing/witnessing traumatic events become more vulnerable emotionally, especially if these things aren’t talked about.

            I really do wish that there were a more comprehensive approach to vulnerable children who live in unstable home enviroments whether they be due to mental illness, substance abuse or domestic violence.

            Due to my mother’s illness, which is severe, I witnessed and experienced some disturbing things (a full psychotic breakdown is no picnic) at a very young age – and no one talked about it, no one tried to explain what was going on – and that silence (within the whole, extended family) became this unbearable weight pressing down on me. Me and my family lived with this silence and the pretense that everything was fine from I was younger than 7 and until my late 20s when I finally couldn’t live like that anymore and started talking. I wish that the establishment that treated my mother had had the possibility to steer the families and especially the children to initiatives to help – because living with the kind of fear, uncertainyy and silence I grew up with can shatter your soul. It is very very hard to try to repair some of the damages later in life – the ideal would be to help children in these situation to understand and process things as early as possible, to know they are not alone and to know where to turn for a helping hand.

          • Yorkie
            January 29, 2016 at 4:49 pm (3 years ago)

            That would be wonderful KMR, but I’m not holding my breath – LOL!

          • Lisa
            January 29, 2016 at 5:22 pm (3 years ago)

            Birdy, you mean if Kate would cooperate. I’m sure Camilla would have no problems helping her out.

          • katemiddletonreview
            January 30, 2016 at 10:07 am (3 years ago)

            Absolutely, ArtHistorian. Just living in a home with people who suffer from mental illness or abuse can be devastating to a child, even if that child doesn’t suffer from mental illness or is being abused themselves.

  4. Lauren
    January 29, 2016 at 2:56 am (3 years ago)

    These stories are heartbreaking! It’ good to see that Camilla such an interest in something that should be talked about way more often. Camilla also really knows how to dress appropriately for every occasion so kudos to her.

  5. LizB
    January 29, 2016 at 3:20 am (3 years ago)

    Reading the stories also moved me to tears…

    Very moving post, KMR – thank you for writing it. Major kudos for Camilla for getting involved!

    • Cathy
      January 29, 2016 at 10:15 pm (3 years ago)

      +1

  6. Elina
    January 29, 2016 at 6:36 am (3 years ago)

    I agree with all the commenters and applaud Camilla for showing the gravitas and serious-mindedness for this huge and worthy cause. Moreover this is such a serious cause that requires significant preparation, not only in terms of attire. I can’t imagine if I walked in this kind of situation and have these women trusting me their heartbreaking personal stories. I would be in complete shock and wouldn’t know how to react.

    Whilst I admire these women survivors and their willingness to speak openly about their stories, I also respect Camilla for not showing the wrong emotions like pity, anger or inadequacy. Moving to tears may be uncommon for a BRF member but a natural and very humane reaction for this kind of event. I can’t help but compare with Kate’s women’s prison visit where she wasn’t even appropriately dressed.

    As others have stressed out, one appearance is not enough for this kind of cause. We re expecting more, as Camilla has promised. Thank you KMR for the post and the related info. One way or another, either as victims or witnesses, it concerns such a big part of population, in a global scale.

    • Lauri from Ca
      January 29, 2016 at 9:11 am (3 years ago)

      I have to gently disagree with you Elina, I thought Kate was appropriately dressed for her visit to the women’s prison. If she had worn something less (less expensive, less “nice”) than she would for any other visit it would have signaled to those ladies that they weren’t deserving of her best.

      • Elina
        January 29, 2016 at 11:09 am (3 years ago)

        I get your point, Lauri. I actually liked the ivory/grey dress that Kate wore that day, in fact I voted it high as a favourite in the outfits’ poll. I just don’t think that her look that day with the dress and her loose fringe hair was as professional. I’m not saying she should have made discounts in terms of smartness or quality. I’m just saying as Lindsay from DC mentioned upthread for Camilla, that Kate’s look was more noticeable for this type of visit. If I was a prison inmate that day I think I would have probably found myself staring at her looks and feeling crappy about mine, if you know what I mean!

        • mary elizabeth
          January 29, 2016 at 11:22 am (3 years ago)

          I have to disagree with Lauri on Kate’s choice of dress on the day she visited the women’s prison . She looked far too polished and less approachable than she should have appeared, I think. The stark, pristeen look smacked of gentility. I agree with Elina that the prisoners must have felt a tad not up to par with Kate. Often, when she wears darker colors, she is criticized. I don’t think she needed to wear a totally dark look, but navy, with a pop of color, or a midt-tone grey, also with a pop of color, might have been less hoity toity.
          Wow, now let me stop my fashion talk and get down to business. Camilla’s presence with the women she visited truly impressed me. I read their stories and found myself crying, too. My compliments to the Duchess for caring so much and showing that care to the brave women she visited.

          I also think this is a wonderful post, KMR. The fact that the signs of domestic abuse are posted, as well as the hotline numbers — is so important. We all need to help one another and be there whenever we can for anyone who suffers abuse.

          • Jen
            January 29, 2016 at 3:42 pm (3 years ago)

            +1

          • Cathy
            January 29, 2016 at 10:16 pm (3 years ago)

            +1

        • Lindsey from DC
          January 29, 2016 at 11:38 am (3 years ago)

          I agree, Elina. I loved Kate’s dress for the prison visit and voted it her best look of the year. I also just didn’t find it to be right for *that* visit. It would’ve been great for any other event.

          The prison was one of the cases where I wished that Kate would get a nice, expensive, well-tailored pant suit. I think an outfit more along those lines would’ve been more appropriate.

          However, this post is about Camilla so I suppose we should get back to focusing on how much she rocked her visit 🙂

        • Lauri from Ca
          January 29, 2016 at 12:24 pm (3 years ago)

          It appears I must have misunderstood your comment on Kate’s dress. As you, Mary Elizabeth and Lindsey have pointed out it was this particular dress that was the issue not Kate wearing something “nice” for that visit. I have to agree with all of you, especially Lindsey, a nice suit or pair of trousers with a blouse would have been more appropriate. And as always correcting her posture would have gone a long way in presenting a more “professional” look 🙂

          • Elina
            January 29, 2016 at 6:55 pm (3 years ago)

            Of course, Lauri, let’s not forget posture. 🙂

      • RunawaySnarker
        January 29, 2016 at 1:33 pm (3 years ago)

        Kate looked fine for the prison visit. There was nothing technically wrong with her appearance. The only issues that could be taken with her appearance are personal preferences. Outside of that it was all up to code.
        Personally, I would expect some tailored trousers, but that is my personal preference for that outing nature.

        Cam here looks fine. I don’t personally like it, but it crosses T’s and dots I’s so there it is.

        And completely love this meeting. Cam kept on points. Listened, processed, and will likely be involved with some form of helping this cause.
        This incredibly worthy cause!
        At the end of this meeting it was more felt IMO that the cause and survivors were highlighted. Not the visitor to take the spotlight.

        • My2Pence
          January 31, 2016 at 11:44 pm (3 years ago)

          Anything that can be used as a weapon if taken away from a visitor, from hair pins to underwire bras to spike heels, are on the forbidden list when visiting many prisons.

          • RunawaySnarker
            February 2, 2016 at 7:19 am (3 years ago)

            My2Pence
            We’re not talking about visitors in that sense. I worked a few months in a state prison as a nurse. Longest few months…
            In my time there was an election and a few politicians came to visit in almost the same way Kate did. They had nothing taken from them and their security had nothing taken. Dangerous inmates were not near the sections being visited and only the very best were in a position to see anything of the visit.

            The rules I think you’re applying here are not the rules applied in these situations. From my experience.

    • ArtHistorian
      January 29, 2016 at 4:31 pm (3 years ago)

      CP Mary of Denmark also works with victims of domestic abuse, both nationally and internationally (it is one part of the dual focus of her Foundation). I remember her saying in an interview that when she hear the stories of the women it was important for her to keep her emotions in check, to not be emotionally overwhelmed, because it wasn’t about her but about being a witness to the stories of these women, to listen attentively and with compassion.

      • Elina
        January 29, 2016 at 6:45 pm (3 years ago)

        It seems CP Mary knows very well how to deal with victims and I totally agree with her statement. It takes a significant amount of emotional intelligence to work with abused and suffering people so the focus is on them and their needs.
        And also, ArtHistorian, thank you for sharing your personal story with your mother’s illness and the effect it had on you. It illustrates that an issue when is hidden under the carpet, becomes a taboo and finally a trauma for the vulnerable ones. You have my support and respect on this. 🙂

  7. Candice
    January 29, 2016 at 6:45 am (3 years ago)

    Oh my!Those stories were so…sad(I know feeble choice of word).You are right KMR this is a topic that we find uncomfortable to discuss,but we must if we are to tackle it.Good on Camilla for bringing attention to this absolutely worthy cause.

  8. Sunny
    January 29, 2016 at 8:30 am (3 years ago)

    Thank you for going into so much detail. Someone might be reading this, and realizing for the first time that you are describing what they are going through. I appreciated that you listed help numbers and encouraged through testimony that getting help is the first step, and not to wait!

  9. Lisa
    January 29, 2016 at 9:14 am (3 years ago)

    I actually read this story in the wee hours of the morning and could not comment immediately because the stories affected me so. Camilla’s response was absolutely authentic and appropriate. I have no doubt she will keep her word and do whatever she can to help this organization and the women and men who turn to it for help. We see too many of these stories in the news and I have nothing but admiration for Camilla for taking this subject under her wing.

    On a much lesser note, no, it is absolutely not the type of patronage Kate could work with. She’s not sure how to react to children in unsure circumstances, heaven forbid she runs into a woman who has been to hell and back. Actually it would be good for her to learn from these women that life isn’t always a bed of roses and all the shopping sprees and trips to Mustique you can finagle.

  10. Lauri from Ca
    January 29, 2016 at 9:21 am (3 years ago)

    Thank you KMR for such a moving post! I am so thrilled that Camilla is taking on the difficult and emotional task of bringing awareness to domestic and sexual violence. Over my life I have met so many survivors of both types of violence and the resilience they show is so inspiring. There are so many misconceptions about those who have suffered through these types of violence, that it’s easy to leave, that wearing pants too tight is an invitation, the list goes on and on I hope these visits by Camilla will continue to start discussions, get people to start thinking and hopefully give those suffering the help they need to leave.

    • katemiddletonreview
      January 30, 2016 at 10:13 am (3 years ago)

      One of the things that I thought was important to include is that economic abuse is a thing. I’ve heard a lot that “Well, why don’t you just leave” or “Why didn’t you just leave” when women say they suffer(ed) domestic abuse, but something that isn’t mentioned but I’ve seen first hand is economic abuse. The controlling person in the relationship controls the money and if the person suffering does not have money or the skills to find a job they can’t leave (at least not easily). Leaving isn’t always that simple, because even if you know the situation is a bad one and want to leave, you don’t always have the means to.

  11. jenny
    January 29, 2016 at 10:41 am (3 years ago)

    Such a compelling post, KMR. Thank you for a solid look at Camilla’s sincere and humane visit with these women. I also think her shedding of tears was real and a solid way to let people know she really cares about them. I believe she will follow up and I am still shaken by the stories I read here.

    Thanks for posting the signs of domestic abuse, too. So many women think oh, it was just one thing that happened to me, it won’t happen again. Or, I must have done something wrong to deserve such treatment by my man. The more the word gets out and the more support women are given, the better chance of saving lives and helping those who really need support and assistance.

    I think Camilla has a true desire to help people and use her position to make a difference on many issues. I admire that greatly and think she deserves sincere compliments.

    • katemiddletonreview
      January 29, 2016 at 2:52 pm (3 years ago)

      I especially wanted to post the signs of abuse because I’ve seen those signs in relationships that are not intimate partner relationships. Obviously domestic abuse is focused mostly on intimate partner relationships but those signs of abuse can happen in other relationships as well, and those relationships are also unhealthy and traumatizing.

      It’s shocking to me how much abuse happens, and how often it is not reported. I don’t know anyone who has suffered abuse and reported it. I think discussing this topic and especially the signs of abuse will hopefully allow people to get help, and will force people to take abuse victims seriously.

      • Jen
        January 29, 2016 at 5:10 pm (3 years ago)

        Really pertinent point: abuse happens beyond the intimate partner type too. The list of characteristics are sobering in that they apply to a number of other interactions too, such as in the workplace. We all need to be vigilant for ourselves and others, and not make excuses for people who practice verbal/ psychological aggression for fear of further reprisals and to ‘keep the peace’, ‘not make a fuss’.

        As you say, Camilla’s clothes didn’t figure much/at all because the substance of the event was to the fore. The press outlets keep sexism/ageism alive and well with their focus on a (relatively) young, thin woman and her clothes, hair and makeup, ad nauseum. The charity gets a few scant lines; so much for the royal, generally mute in Kate’s case, bringing awareness. When the press privileges the substance of the event rather than being principally about the royal, I will know it is not just a PR puff piece.

        • katemiddletonreview
          January 30, 2016 at 10:15 am (3 years ago)

          Especially for women, we are taught all our lives to “be nice” and “not make a fuss” and what have you so it makes it harder to deal with abusive people in our lives.

  12. JulZ
    January 29, 2016 at 10:46 am (3 years ago)

    I’ve never been a raving fan of Camilla’s, for whatever reason. But the photo of her crying hit me dead on. I found myself tearing up at her completely authentic response. It humanized her in a way I hadn’t seen before.

  13. Lindsey from DC
    January 29, 2016 at 10:46 am (3 years ago)

    This event has put me firmly on “Team Camilla”. Whatever her past may be, she has dived into her Royal duties head first. With the sort of seriousness and empathy that she showed these victims, she could’ve turned up in a paper sack, and it still would’ve been successful.

    I also think that since her marriage to the Prince of Wales, he has displayed a much more human and jovial nature, and I think that has significantly improved his public image.

    • Jen
      January 29, 2016 at 5:24 pm (3 years ago)

      They bring out the best in each other. In turn, this helps others.

      • katemiddletonreview
        January 30, 2016 at 10:16 am (3 years ago)

        They really do.

    • Cathy
      January 29, 2016 at 10:18 pm (3 years ago)

      +1

  14. rhiannon
    January 29, 2016 at 10:54 am (3 years ago)

    Kudos to Cam for keeping her word. I grew up in an abusive household and it was horrible. It is so important for light to be shed on this issue. The words are action in and of itself and helps to remove the stigma.

    Cam showing up and being supportive and empathetic meant a lot. These women and their families are survivors and do not need pity. They need support and to be reminded of their courage and bravery.

    I cannot thank you enough, KMR, for stating that this article can cause triggers and providing resources to to those who may need it. This proves that you are not just a blog for us to have fun and be whumsy, but you realize that there are bigger issues out there and where to get support. You have my upmost respect.

    • jenny
      January 29, 2016 at 11:07 am (3 years ago)

      Oh, Rhiannon, you have my support for what you endured and for your amazing ability to move forward and be such a great source of light to all of us here. You are so correct when you say the women don’t need our pity –just our acknowledgement of their bravery and a hand reached out in support when the need arises.
      KMR, you have posted something of great merit here. Thank you.

      • Elina
        January 29, 2016 at 11:31 am (3 years ago)

        +1 million. I respect KMR for her work ethic and knowing the difference of what is important and not. Rhiannon, you have my support too and virtual hug.

        • rhiannon
          January 29, 2016 at 3:07 pm (3 years ago)

          Thanks. I don’t share much outside of my unrequited love for Harry. But this is such an important cause.

          • Birdy
            January 29, 2016 at 3:30 pm (3 years ago)

            Big hugs Rhiannon I too have been there but a happy marriage and wonderful sons has enabled me to move on. Hope you too find happiness soon. Harry ??? Are you listening. ❤️

    • katemiddletonreview
      January 30, 2016 at 10:23 am (3 years ago)

      No one should have to suffer abuse. I hope you are doing well and have put the past behind you, Rhiannon. Virtual hugs.

      Unless the person is still suffering or has lost their life to their abuse, I always try and use the word “survivor” to describe people who have suffered abuse and/or rape for the exact reason that they don’t need, and don’t want, pity, but rather need support and to be reminded of their courage and bravery and of the fact that they made it out. They are survivors, not victims.

  15. G.
    January 29, 2016 at 11:24 am (3 years ago)

    Good for Camilla. I believe her when she vows to help in any way she can. Unlike some royals, this will not be for a few months, change next year or get one annual visit. I think this will be her legacy cause.

    It does surprise me that an important cause such as this, has not gotten the attention from a member of the BRF, until Camilla decided to make a difference.

    • RunawaySnarker
      January 29, 2016 at 1:37 pm (3 years ago)

      Cam can often be found to have followed through and worked closely with her causes. She doesn’t take a backseat. While her staff and office do much work on her behalf she is not waiting to take credit. She’s meeting with experts and the charities to see what should be done and how to achieve it.
      This is a quality to be heavily admired imo.

      • rhiannon
        January 29, 2016 at 3:05 pm (3 years ago)

        +1

      • Jen
        January 29, 2016 at 5:29 pm (3 years ago)

        +1. Camilla’s maturity in being downright practical is a great help to this cause.

    • katemiddletonreview
      January 30, 2016 at 10:26 am (3 years ago)

      It actually doesn’t surprise me that this cause has not been taken up before. As I said in my article, this cause is an uncomfortable one. This is not a “safe” cause like sick kids or pets, so most royals would be a bit gun shy to take it on. That’s why it’s all the more important that Camilla has taken it on.

      • RunawaySnarker
        February 2, 2016 at 7:24 am (3 years ago)

        KMR
        Kate took up Action/Addiction early on. Similar goals. There was a focus on DV within it as it was a side effect of addictions. My faith in Kate bringing anything of worth to that cause fell away when what was coming of those meetings came out. Just chatting with nothing of substance.

  16. katemiddletonreview
    January 29, 2016 at 3:49 pm (3 years ago)

    Sorry the site keeps going down, guys. I’m restarting the server whenever it does. Please bear with me.

  17. Kimothy
    January 29, 2016 at 5:45 pm (3 years ago)

    I know that some are still very sympathetic towards Diana over what she’s been through and others have (slowly) become Camilla fans. I was just a kid during the 80s/90s but I also know that that time brought out the worst in Camilla, Charles, and Diana.

    With that said, I’m personally Team Camilla. As a royal, she’s really stepped up and I’m glad she’s been focusing on serious issues and this most definitely the most serious one she’s undertaken. An old friend was in an abusive marriage and she’s divorced from him (YAY!) but she’s still recovering from the emotional and psychological scars.

    And like you said, KMR, being abused (physically, emotionally, verbally or psychologically) isn’t just via an intimate relationship. It can be through someone at your place of work, a family member or even a toxic friend. Sometimes, you’re so wrapped up in what you’re hearing that you’ve blocked out the caring words from those who truly love you and want your best interest at heart. Yes, I’m speaking from a bit of experience myself.

    I truly didn’t even see what Camilla was wearing; I was too busy reading these stories. Also, I think her tearful reaction was real and from the heart. I can see her being a very strong voice for this cause. It’s too important not to and, I can actually see Cam possibly teaming up with Sophie instead of Kate.

    • katemiddletonreview
      January 30, 2016 at 10:30 am (3 years ago)

      And some times you are too into the relationship (be it a romantic one, a friendship, etc) that you don’t want to believe the person is abusing you and when someone outside of the relationship points out the signs of abuse you don’t want to believe them. Sometimes you need to come to that realization on your own, and part of that can be reading about the signs on your own. That was part of why I posted some of the signs of an abusive relationship. Sometimes you really do need to read them for yourself to finally realize that you’re in an abusive relationship.

      • Kimothy
        January 30, 2016 at 11:21 am (3 years ago)

        Exactly!

  18. the hipsterette
    January 29, 2016 at 9:59 pm (3 years ago)

    Great post KMR. Bullying and domestic violence appear to be a world-wide epidemic, despite much good work being done by the various professional organisations (and I include the Royal Houses). By showing her humanity to these women, Camilla made a great impression. To me she never looked more beautiful, and it had nothing to do with what she wore.

    It’s a huge problem and there is no reason why the various Royals: Mary, Camilla, and Kate (if she wanted to) couldn’t work together on some sort of European and/or world summit. Getting the message out there won’t solve the problem but it is a start in the right direction.

    • Lauri from Ca
      January 29, 2016 at 10:11 pm (3 years ago)

      That’s a wonderful idea hipsterette! Having these royal women teaming up together to address this issue would really make the world stand up and take notice.

    • ArtHistorian
      January 30, 2016 at 5:12 am (3 years ago)

      That would be a great idea! Not just to get the message out but also to share idea and experiences. In the documentary about Mary’s Foundation the showed a visit she had with a South African institution that worked with the men who were the abusers, working with them to help them to acknowledge their destructive behaviour, what caused it and how to stop this behaviour in themselves. That segment gave me food for thought – because this issue is two-fold: 1) to help and protect the abused ones and 2) to prevent abuse through various means.

      • katemiddletonreview
        January 30, 2016 at 10:33 am (3 years ago)

        That’s fascinating. Is there a link to view the documentary online?

        Because most definitely there are two parts to this issue (and others like it). Obviously to help and support those who suffer, but also to help the abusers to correct their behavior.

    • katemiddletonreview
      January 30, 2016 at 10:32 am (3 years ago)

      Having the women team up is a fantastic idea!

  19. Constance
    January 30, 2016 at 12:19 pm (3 years ago)

    What an inspiring post, KMR. I have to admit that my main association with Camilla over the years has been the pejorative “Rottweiler.” But your posts have opened my eyes to the meaningful work she’s doing. It’s very moviing to read of her commitment to raising awareness of and combatting abuse.

  20. charlston
    January 31, 2016 at 4:55 pm (3 years ago)

    Thankyou for writing about this. Thankyou, thankyou.